LIGHT YOUR DARKNESS
GRIEF THROUGH THE HOLIDAY’S
Michele E. Fiorelli
Again it’s that time of year! Halloween has passed, Thanksgiving is upon us, and Christmas is just a few short weeks behind. You may find everyone around you busy shopping, baking and anxiously preparing for the upcoming holiday season.
How wonderful for them!! That is what the holiday season should be. It should be festive, anticipated, and full of holiday gatherings that are steeped in years of family traditions topped with presents and gorgeous holiday trimmings and lights galore.
To those of you who are anxiously anticipating the hustle and bustle I say, “God bless you & may your season be safe & wonderful, my thoughts and prayers are with you!”
On the other hand, many of you will be approaching this holiday season with apprehension, dread, dismay and sadness. The light in your life no longer shines. Your happiness has been snuffed out, and you’re wishing that the holiday would pass you by without notice.
You’re quite possibly lacking the energy and desire to shop. Baking will no doubt be a chore. The thought of the family gathering is more than you can bear, and you are certain the excitement and holiday cheer of everyone else will only magnify the sadness and longing you are already feeling.
It is for certain that with the return of the holidays we will welcome back all of the expectations and disappointments that typically characterize the season with its contradictory emotions. The weeks ahead will be exciting yet exhausting. The anticipation is invigorating yet grueling. The visits with family and friends will be joyous yet difficult. Add the element of grief to the mix and you have the recipe for a holiday season that is overwhelming and daunting.
For many the preparation is huge and welcomed, and for some the season may be great, but what follows is an even greater letdown when you wake up the morning after to a heap of crumpled wrapping paper, leftovers upon leftovers, plates of half eaten cookies and hours of standing in line waiting to exchange the “not so perfect gift,” amongst those who are no longer filled with holiday cheer and good will to others.
For those of you who have experienced the loss of a loved one this year, your season will more than likely be shrouded in sadness making the yoke of being “jolly” a little more wearisome. Life without your loved one is hard enough! Life without your loved one during the holidays is unthinkable!!!
Facing the holidays with the burden of grief is never easy, but I am here to tell you that the light in your season can and should still shine.
For years you have celebrated in family traditions and holiday rituals gathered around the table and tree with family and friends. That shouldn’t change just because your loved one is not here to celebrate with you. Holiday traditions don’t need to end because there is one less person to share in the festivities. The absence of your loved one’s presence doesn’t have to darken your entire season. Remember, your loved one brought a great deal of light and love into your life for many years. Their memories should be celebrated along with the season.
When a loved one passes they don’t take “their” memories with them. They leave them with you, so use them, celebrate them, share them and cherish them. They may no longer be physically present in your life, but the gift they gave to you in their passing is a gift of beautiful memories that will last you a lifetime.
Their memory doesn’t end with their passing; you can cherish and celebrate their memories forever. So let their light continue to shine! What better time to express and experience their love. Don’t just endure the holidays, allow yourself to enjoy the holiday if only in small quantities. Your loved ones would want you to!!!
After all, the reality of feeling emotions is all about letting yourself feel impassioned. And I know that you are impassioned about your loved one. I’ve heard the stories and witnessed the tears as you struggled to let go at their services. It’s ok to let that passion continue to shine. It’s ok to celebrate their memories because they would want you to be impassioned about the season and the blessings you shared while they were in your life. Let the songs on the radio fill you with holiday cheer; focus on the joy. Cherish the memories…not the losses, share your memories, laugh and rejoice in their love, it’s alright!!!
Give to yourself the gift of happiness; it is essential to coping during the holidays. I know that what you do this year will be very different from the previous years. That’s ok; I know it won’t be easy, losing a loved one never is! So allow the light of your memories to illuminate your darkness, and find the magic that will express your gratitude for the relationship you had with that special someone. If nothing else, give the gift of happiness to yourself and those around you, you deserve it!!!!
Happy Holidays To You & Yours…
Believe In the Magic of Memories & Always Give the Gift of Light & Happiness,
Michele E. Fiorelli
